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All I have needed, Thy hand hath provideth, great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me

I clung to the railings of my dad’s hospital bed.

I begged someone to tend to his immediate need.

He was fully conscious; he needed to have a personal need taken care of and I did not want to rob him of his dignity.

We waited….. and waited…

I held his hand and searched his face for that assurance that always came from my dad.

I needed him to tell me that he was going to stay with me.

I was not equipped to handle the thought of not having him in my life.

I heard myself say as I sobbed, “Dad, I can’t imagine my life without you. You are my hero, you modeled for me to always look for what is good, You showed me unconditional love, you and mom are the only people I know that have never said a negative word against anyone. I need you. I need your wisdom. I need your level-headedness, I love you, dad. This just can’t be.”

His eyes pierced my soul as we grasped hands through the bed railings. He said, “My daughter, you have made me so proud of all you have become. I want you to know how much I admire you and the road you have travelled. You have been a better daughter than I deserve, you have showed me and your mother honor and respect. You have shown great sacrifice and I love you from the bottom of my heart.”

Against all protocol, I escorted my dad home. I held his hand as we traveled through the streets of Gulfport. He was weary. My mom was weary. I was weary. Every phone call, every flight, every conversation with medical staff, every decision, lack of sleep, every prayer for mercy and grace– they loaded themselves into the ambulance too.

Against the late night sky, we arrived…. home….

“Dearest gracious heavenly Father,” I whispered as I walked through the front door.
“I can feel my heart breaking. I am thinking this is too much. I can’t do this. You know I can’t. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to lose my dad. Let me trade places. Let him live. Restore him, take me.”

Dearest child of mine, He whispered

“I am with you. I am here.
My grace will be sufficient for you.
I have appointed you for such a time as this.
You are mine.
You will rise up on wings of eagles.
You are going through deep waters and I am with you, I will not let you drown.
I will restore your soul with My word.
I formed you in your mother’s womb; I knew you then and I know you now.
I will never leave you or forsake you.”

Amen— let it be so.